Sci-Fi/Fantasy Films

Posted by Mark R. Tailleur

Hey Gang! Remember the kooky days of yore when MTV was relevant? Well, those days are long gone and MTV is a textbook example of a corporate based product placement device thinly disguised as entertainment. This being, ostensibly, a horror/sci-fi/fantasy film site I won’t launch into a tirade about programming hip-hop videos for white, suburban teens, instead lets look at the MTV Movie Awards.

Hollywood needs another incestuous, pat-on-the-back, self congratulatory awards show like New Orleans needs another hurricane, but here it is. It’s a chance for “celebrities” to get wacky (within corporate approved guidelines), and celebrate the very finest that Hollywood has to offer. It’s a chance for young Hollywood to cut loose (obviously they don’t get enough opportunities to do that) and act like jack-asses.

No one loves biting-stinging-soul crushing satire more than I do, but this isn’t satire, it’s not fun or funny, or relevant. It’s scripted, pre-approved pap, and the pity is that their target audience doesn’t know the difference.

Puppetmaster

Posted by Mark R. Tailleur

O.K. One of my attentive readers brought up a good point, and that is one of classification, so how would you classify the following films?

The X-Men “franchise”

(On a personal note I HATE the term franchise, it denotes something mass produced, a commodity not an artistic endeavor)

The Raiders of the Lost Ark "franchise" Jaws Dark City The Matrix The Boys from Brazil The Exorcist The League of Extraordinary Gentlemen Close Encounters of the Third Kind The Davinci Code Donnie Darko The Lord of the Rings The Mummy

And I am sure that you, my readers, can suggest more, please do.

Puppetmaster

Posted by Mark R. Tailleur

This is too important for a simple poll.

Starting today I am taking nominations for the best sci-fi film ever. My nomination speaks for itself in this weeks column, The Day the Earth Stood Still. In the weeks and months to come I will be taking nominations from you who care to vote, so please vote. The criteria isn't important, if you consider it a sci-fi film then a sci-fi film it is, but please give me a couple of lines explaining your choice.

Write to me at: horrorscififilms@suite101.com

Or leave a message in the discussion section.

Posted by Mark R. Tailleur

I love Star Trek, and when something you love is in dire straights you feel for it.

The venerable T.V./movie/video game/comic book/ collector card series is suffering from a distinct lack of creativity.

The announcement this week that Lost, and Alias creator, and Mission Impossible 3 director J.J. Abrams is taking the helm for the next Star Trek movie has many breathing a sigh of relief, but being the skeptic that I am I have to reserve judgment.

I am afraid that the next film, which is rumored to be a prequel in which Spock and Kirk first meet at Starfleet Academy, may turn out to be a much hyped nothing. My theory on Lost is that Mr. Abrams has no idea what to do next and is just stringing people along until viewers discover that the emperor has no clothes which deeply concerns me.

The various series have veered wildly from fantastic (Deep Space Nine), to absolutely horrible (Voyager), with the most recent series (Enterprise), being yanked just when it was getting really good and the movies run the gamit too (for my take on the various movies please see this weeks article).

The sad truth is that Abrams is, for the most part a trendy and untested commodity, I just hope that he can be the breath of fresh air that Star Trek needs.

Posted by Mark R. Tailleur

With all due respect to my esteemed colleague Odessa Russell, I apologize if I am stepping on your most honored toes, but as an avid, some might say obsessed, still others might say demented, science fiction fan I kind of need to vent.

I will endeavor to stay within my jurisdiction by dwelling on the movie choices that are made by them and simply say that the sci-fi channel desperately needs a tune-up.

“Made for Sci-fi channel” movies consistently fall into two categories, either giant animal (usually snakes), or natural disasters (usually a weather related mishap). These crap fests are usually run on Saturday nights and the preceding day is devoted to running like minded movies all day. Hence we get a whole day of Boa, Anaconda, Cobra, or avalanche, snowstorm, tidal wave films which are so bad, and so predictable that they are virtually “Made for Disney Channel” caliber.

During the last ratings period Sci-fi channel ratings had dropped by almost 20 percent and here is why:

The aforementioned “movies”; get some better ideas, put a little more money into them (CGI is great and all but you are really pushing it), and for god's sake, enough with the programming by autopilot on weekends! You have access to a vast library of films covering some 70 years of cinematic history; we don’t need to see Dean Cane fight another blizzard or giant chameleon.

37 hours a day of Stargate, with the occasional break for Battlestar Galactica (a show so bad that it didn’t even work in the 70’s when everyone was coked out of their gourds) is too much. Both of these shows belong on Nickelodeon, not the Sci-fi Channel. They suck, and are so amateurish that they MUST just make it up as they go along. And please take Stargate Atlantis with you. Throwing money after a huge mistake is how the U.S. got in so deep in Iraq.

Um PASSIONS; you are showing farkin' PASSIONS? It’s a soap opera and therefore it is refuse. Let Oh! or Lifetime (television for women) take it away and get back to SCIENCE FICTION!!!

That’s it for now. Sorry if I hurt your feelings, but when something that was once pretty good has devolved into a pathetic joke, someone needs to speak up. And along those lines, if anyone from the Bush administration needs a reality check, feel free to write me anytime…

Puppetmaster

Horrorscififilms@suite101.com

Posted by Mark R. Tailleur

Forbidden Planet Edition!

"We were just enjoying a little stimulation through hugging and kissing!"

"Sorry Ma'am, I was just giving myself an oil job."

"I often play with it myself for relaxation."

'Any time you're hard up for a couple of gallons of lube oil you just let me know."

"Did you give him permission to get falling down drunk?"

"I hope you don't think I can get that stiff in five minutes!"

And don't forget, most exalted readers, to send me your favorite movie lines...taken out of context!

Posted by Mark R. Tailleur

Angry Red Planet edition...

"Pretty soon people will be just as sure of space travel as I was of my dog."

"When I call you by name, you'll know it."

"What beings could possibly exercise such fantastic control?"

"Who ever they are, they don't want us to leave."

Sure these little beauties are out of context but they really stood out while I was watching the film.

If there are any other movie lines that you cherish let me know, and I will be posting more as time goes on.

Puppetmaster

Posted by Mark R. Tailleur

Tirade of the day…Harry Potter

I understand that part of my duty as the Horror/sci-fi/fantasy films contributor is to cover subjects that I might be morally opposed to, case in point Harry Potter. I would have to have been reared in a cave not to be aware of the puzzling, yet unprecedented success of the Harry Potter book, movie, toy, trading card, candy, underwear…etc. phenomenon.

But does that make it good? No.

James Cameron, hack director, and self described “King of the World” took film critic Kenneth Turan to task for his less- than-glowing review of Titanic. Mr. Cameron argued that Titanic must be good because so many people were going to see it. Mr. Turan responded that just because people go to McDonalds en masse doesn’t mean that anyone would want to hold a wedding reception there, well done Mr. Turan.

J.K. Rowling simply stood on the shoulders of giants in her attempt to repackage magic and mythology for the ADD set. Had none of these Potter fans heard of the Chronicles of Narnia before the films release? I understand that many children think of Narnia as a rip-off of Potters world, what does that say for society? Not much.

I am sorry if I offend but I must draw a line in the sand. Potter is simplistic and extremely derivative. Ms. Rowling simply re-named as many mythological creatures as her limited imagination could research and remake the works of Baum, Lewis, Carroll, Grimm, Tolkien, Nesbit. White, Dahl, and, well the list is too long to continue here.

Please, enjoy the works of Ms. Rowling if you must, it is a convenient way to abridge the works of the above authors, but remember there is more to life than plagiarism.

Puppetmaster

horrorscifilms@suite101.com

Posted by Mark R. Tailleur

After viewing The Hills Have Eyes last night I got to thinking how much I hate slasher films. There is just no art to them, no effort put into them. I know I am just ranting here, but on a personal note I remember when I was a kid, in the mid-14th century, horror films featured monsters, not just some creepy ass guy with a mother fixation and a cleaver. I acutually miss the days of latex monsters, there was a supernatural element to them that is just missing from slasher films. At least the Hills Have Eyes featured monsters, sure they were man-made, but so was Frankenstein.

Let me know what you think.

Puppetmaster horrorscififilms@suite101.com

Posted by Mark R. Tailleur

In going to see Ultraviolet this week I had to sit through the usual barrage of trailers including one for Omen 666 (sweet), and one for Silent Hill. Silent Hill looks very much like the run of the mill video game based movie, person "A" has to contend with various disturbing situations while working his/her way through a maze of moody environments. Of course this only makes sense since that is how video games are played. My major issue is the fact that these films are being made at all. It is hardly a secret that Hollywood is completely bereft of fresh ideas but video games really have no plot to speak of so the films they spawn suffer accordingly. With the exception of the first Resident Evil film (and even that one was on the fence)they have all sucked. So I am debating as to whether or not to go see anymore game based movies at all.

Let me know what you think...

horrorscififilms@suite101.com