The plot of the film begins on the eve of Reed and Sue’s wedding. When the appearance of an unknown figure scuppers the marriage ceremony to deliver a warning to mankind of it’s impending destruction at the hands of a planet-devouring being known as Galactus, the Fantastic Four must blah blah blah…Do not watch this movie!
Here Comes the Silver Surfer and Galactus – Oh, the Humanity!
(Warning: High Sarcasm Levels Ahead)
Granted, the first film had a certain charm and was more than passable, while the second may have been predominantly aimed at a younger audience. The creators, however, knew full well that many teens and adult fans of the comics would turn up to watch it. There are no excuses.
In a film whose premise involves the threat of global destruction it was clearly more important for the screenwriters to establish that Reed Richards (Ioan Gruffudd) can use his stretch powers on the dance floor; Sue Storm (Jessica Alba) can make pimples invisible and Johnny Storm (Chris Evans) can steam himself off after showering. Genius.
Michael Chiklis (the Thing) can now forget about this awful franchise and concentrate on a final season as Vic Mackey in the outstanding Shield Tv series.
Fans of Marvel’s Silver Surfer (Doug Jones/voiced by Laurence Fishburne) and Galactus were promised that they would not be disappointed. Of course they wouldn’t. After all, why would fans of the classic Silver Surfer be at all disappointed with changing the dynamic of his character - making his board the source of his power – for no better reason than to have Victor Von Doom (Julian McMahon) use it for yet another pointless special effects sequence in an equally pointless sub-plot?
Why on earth would fans be disappointed with seeing the Silver Surfer destroy Galactus (the equivalent of the Pope killing God)? No, nothing wrong there.
Calling Tim Story, Don Payne, Mark Frost and John Turman to the Stand
Tim Story and the screenwriters, on this evidence, should never be allowed to make another film for so long as they walk the earth. To give these people a budget of $130 million (that’s $130 MILLION!) is not only absurd but criminal when considering how far that sort of money can go toward worthwhile causes.
There should, in addition, be some form of legislation passed (we can call it the Fantastic Four 2 precedent) to ensure that films as bad as this cannot be allowed to rip off the public – a public who, having spent any amount of money to see this – ought not only to receive a re-fund but a personal apology from the producers, director and screenwriters for having worked so hard to deceive them and waste their time. Has it been mentioned that this film cost $130 million?!
Let’s hope that J. Michael Strazynski’s treatment of the Silver One is truer (and it can’t really be worse now can it?) and that we can see the Surfer faced with a worthy foe (Mephisto, anyone?). It remains to be seen if that script comes through to production.
89 Minutes You Will Never Get Back
If you’ve still not seen FF2 and take any of this article to heart, then maybe your expectations might now be so low that you’ll even enjoy some of it (as unthinkable as that seems). Then again, if you’ve seen the trailer – involving the chase between the Human Torch and the Surfer – then you’ve already seen the best part.
If, on the other hand (as clichéd as it sounds) this article saves even one person – just one – from wasting ninety minutes of their lives then it will have been a worthwhile endeavour. Your time, even ninety minutes of it, is more valuable that this film.
Consider that by not watching FF2 you now have a gift of ninety minutes that would have otherwise been irretrievably squandered. Read a book; watch Iron Man or the Hulk, or better yet Oldboy; go out and get some fresh air; spend some time with friends and family; hit yourself repeatedly over the head with a dead fish if you like (any species will do).
All would be time better spent.
- Producer: Avi Arad, Bernd Eichinger, Ralph Winter
- Director: Tim Story
- Screenplay: Don Payne, Mark Frost, John Turman (story)
- Starring: Ioan Gruffudd, Jessica Alba, Chris Evans, Michael Chiklis, Doug Jones, Julian McMahon, Kerry Washington.
- Distributor: 20th Century Fox
- Released: June 2007
- Running Time: 89 mins
